Archive for the ‘NFL’ Category
National Institute of Health Reports that 100% of Fantasy Football League Commissioners at No Risk for Contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases
August 12, 2008 No Comments
In a long awaited study before the start of fantasy football drafts everywhere, The National Institute of Health has revealed that 100% of fantasy football league commissioners are at absolutely zero risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease. “That’s good to know,” said Mike Righetti, a self-proclaimed fantasy football fanatic and Philadelphia Eagles fan from Cinnaminson, NJ, who is entering his ninth year as commissioner of a league known as “The Eagles Nest”.
Filed Under: Fantasy Football, NFL, Philadelphia Eagles
Brett Favre Successfully Defecates at Jets Training Camp, Mangini “Impressed”
August 11, 2008 No Comments
It was another big day in both the history of the New York Jets and the legend of Brett Favre. After the morning practice session at Capital One Bank Jets Training Camp at Hofstra University, Favre took a personal break in the school lavatory. Observers have reported that it was Favre’s first defecation as a Jet, a truly epic milestone.
Filed Under: Green Bay Packers, NFL, New York Jets
Some NFL Cheerleaders Have Reportedly Had Plastic Surgery
August 11, 2008 No Comments
“It’s pretty common in the NFL,” said a source who wished to remain anonymous. “I don’t wish to name names, but a good majority of NFL cheerleaders have had extensive plastic surgery to enhance their appearances.” This is a truly shocking revelation for the most popular sport in America.
Filed Under: NFL, Philadelphia Eagles
Favre Drama Continues As He Confirms He Is Two Weeks Late For His Period
August 7, 2008 No Comments
The drama continued Thursday morning as representatives for Brett Favre confirmed he is two weeks late for his menstrual period.
“On top of all the drama about his team liking him, and maybe moving to another team where they wouldn’t be mean to him, Brett was dealing with a potential unexpected pregnancy” commented Favre’s agent James “Bus” Cook.
Filed Under: Green Bay Packers, NFL, New York Jets
Drew Bledsoe Supposedly Reporting to Packers Training Camp
August 5, 2008 No Comments
Reports are coming in from all over the airwaves that ex-Cowboys, Bills, Patriots QB Drew Bledsoe is on a private plane as we speak and on his way to Lambeau Field to report to Green Bay Packers training camp.[digg=http://digg.com/football/Drew_Bledsoe_Supposedly_Reporting_to_Packers_Training_Camp] Citing the Packer’s need for more predictable game ending interceptions, it is supposed to be announced soon that Drew Bledsoe’s rights have been traded from the Cowboys to the Packers. Considering all of the PR mess that the Brett Favre saga is creating, Bledsoe’s arrival is bound to create even more turmoil. “What the fuck is going on here?” asked a perplexed Aaron Rodgers.
Filed Under: Dallas Cowboys, Green Bay Packers, NFL
Where In The World Is Shawn Andrews? (Part I)
August 5, 2008 No Comments
Can you spot Crazy Shawn Andrews?[digg=http://digg.com/football/Where_In_The_World_Is_Shawn_Andrews_Part_I] This is an easy one.
Filed Under: NFL, Philadelphia Eagles
Bill Belichick Annexes Poland, Privatizes Oil Industry
August 5, 2008 No Comments
In a stunning turn of events today, New England Patriots Head Coach, Bill Belichick, annexed the whole of Poland and privatized their (his) oil industry.[digg=http://digg.com/football/Bill_Belichick_Annexes_Poland_Privatizes_Oil_Industry]In his speech to the people of Poland, which he gave today in Warsaw, Belichick said, “Man does not exist for his own sake, but to add a laborer to the team. I denounce the peacemakers in this country for their lack of patriotism and exposing this country to danger.” There have been no reports if anyone from the Patriots roster plans to join his cabinet.
Filed Under: NFL, New England Patriots
Shawn Andrews Depressed…Not So Much Missing
August 4, 2008 No Comments
The Shawn Andrews saga continues. In an exclusive interview with Sports Cucumber, Andrews has explained why he’s been missing from training camp. “I’d totally be out there with my teammates, but I have just lost interest in the things I used to do,” said Andrews.[digg=http://digg.com/football/Shawn_Andrews_DepressedhNot_So_Much_Missing]
Filed Under: NFL, Philadelphia Eagles
Shawn Andrews Still Missing From Philadelphia Eagles Training Camp
August 4, 2008 No Comments
What started off as a simple preseason camp has turned into a reign of terror not seen since the 1992 Pat’s Steak Massacre where Vai Sikahema went apeshit and murdered three Pat’s Steaks employees with his trademark goalpost punch. The last thing people heard that night was “Bouillabaisse!” which has confounded detectives to this day. Today, Shawn Andrews was supposedly seen returning some videotapes to the local Blockbuster on South Street, yet that report hasn’t been confirmed by either fans or authorities. All we do know is that bodies keep turning up. The team has replied with a stern “no comment.” Andrews has been missing in action since April after a team dinner at the all-you-can-eat Fogo de Chao.
Filed Under: NFL, Philadelphia Eagles
